Growing up in the Catholic Church, the word “forgiveness” always fascinated me. Every so often, we would be coerced to attend the Sacrament of Confession, where we would start the visit by admitting to the Priest, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was decades ago, and since then I have committed so many “sins.” It baffled my mind that as a teenager I was committing a sin for doing things that teenagers naturally do like desiring to be with girls my age or sneaking a beer after a Saturday night basketball game with my friends. I often wondered why I needed to beg for forgiveness from someone else, when I felt that it was me at the end of the day who needed to forgive myself when I wasn’t at my best. 

As I have come into my own as an adult, I have come to peace with the fact that I am not perfect and never will be. Like many others, I have done things to hurt the people closest to me and for that am very remorseful. This is not to knock on the Catholic Church as I am grateful to have met some very inspirational human beings who live to serve others. But one thing that has come apparent to me over the years is that you really don’t need anyone outside of yourself to learn how to forgive or to have the power to be forgiven. 

Hurt

I am so grateful for my family and friends, but just as I have hurt others, some of the people closest to me have hurt me the most deeply. People who I have loved deeply have taken advantage of me, wished bad for me behind my back, and betrayed me at the times when I needed them most. Others have seemingly lost their way due to the weight of the world, that especially in these times, sometimes seems unbearable and overwhelming. Even further, I believe that there exist people and forces in life who desire to cause havoc, pain, and death to oppress or suppress those who are dissimilar from them. 

My journey towards forgiveness probably started a few years ago, when I passed through some of the most painful times of my adult life and had to learn the hard way to trust my instinct and intuition more than ever before. During that period, I also began to realize that I needed to begin the process by forgiving myself for my own shortcomings and mistakes that I have made as a human being. I deeply regret some of the mistakes I made from as far back as 7 years old, and often find myself feeling guilty for not always doing the right thing. 

Reflection

However, as I have spent more time alone during the pandemic and reflected more upon who I am as a person, I have started to feel significantly less guilty. I now realize that none of us is perfect, and that the things we do that hurt others are often just part of a larger cycle that can be difficult to escape. While I am not 100% at peace with everything that I have done to others or they have done to me, I have begun the journey towards forgiveness. Most of us will never forget why someone did something to hurt us, but the best we can to is to try to understand. And through that understanding, we can begin to have dialogue with ourselves and others as to what we can do better the next time. As the Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who get burned.” 

As we enter the New Year, I encourage each of us to try our best to forgive ourselves and others for the harm they have done to us. It is without a doubt one of the most difficult challenges for us to overcome as a species, yet one of the most important. If we can’t forgive ourselves first, then getting to others will be much more difficult, so at least we know where to start.

Chris Brennan

Chris Brennan’s monthly blog, In the Footsteps of Peace, discusses peace at all levels and in all forms. He is a graduate of Kroc Institute for International Peace Studies program and served 4 years overseas in the Peace Corps.

Chris is also a singer-songwriter as the Lead Vocalists for the band Reviva and has embarked on a solo career as Irie Kristoff as well. Find out more about Chris and to read previous articles of In the Footsteps of Peace, click here.