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Self

Self

Miracle Minded Momma: Is It OK to be Enough?

Published by communitypublishingabq@gmail.com on April 26, 2016 Respond

Is it OK to be Enough by Emma Van Riper

What does it mean to BE enough? The idea of enoughness was brought to my attention about a year ago and has made me reevaluate how I look at myself and others. It has been long and strange struggle to figure out what being enough even means. What would that look like? Would I just come off as conceited or self important??

Defining Enough

The dictionary defines enough as “as much or as many as required.” How does this idea apply to a person? A regular person with quirks, flaws and one who has made countless mistakes. With technology at our fingertips we are constantly bombarded with images sending us messages that we are incomplete until we have the relationship, the job, the money, the perfect body, the baby, etc… the list goes on and on. It seems like there’s always more to do, more to achieve, more to become. Of course we want to grow, learn, and to become the best versions of ourselves. But how can we find the balance in striving for personal goals and putting down the measuring stick to see how we measure up in the world?

I would like to try my best at something and not care if it’s Pintrest or #goalcrushing worthy. I know it sounds silly but those are the measurements that come into my mind. Is this picture Facebook worthy or was meal more of a Pintrest fail. Did I do enough in all my roles today? Was I the very best mother, wife, daughter, and friend. Most of the time it’s no, and I feel like crap about it. Insert social media and see how much everyone else seemed to conquer life and I feel even worse. But that can’t be their real life every single day, right? I mean, they are humans too with flaws, quirks and lazy moments too, right?!

Measuring Up

Measuring UpI know this logically but it still gets under my skin on those days when I feel like I just will never measure up. But the bigger question is measure up to what? As I dived further into this topic it became clear that I needed to define what being enough meant to me personally and find a way to burn the stupid measuring stick. There wasn’t a mantra or a quick fix that I could apply that worked for any amount of time, I tried. One of the most influential leaders of our time on this topic is Dr. Brené Brown, I highly recommend checking out her work. She talks about how there are no prerequisites to worthiness.

A light bulb went off. For me to feel enough I had to accept that I was worthy of being enough. That I could own all my flaws and still show up to the arena. That I could honor lazy days and not be riddled with guilt. perfect is not the goal. Showing up and meeting yourself where you are at, each and every single day is.

Self Care

Enoughness is a hard topic to talk about and an even trickier dance to live. How does this practice fit in real life full of different roles and pressures. For me it comes down to self care, cliche I know, but its true. When I practice owning my own worthiness I can take the time and resources necessary to take care of my self. I take care of myself not in any of the roles I have and love but to nourish my own being. The more I can prioritize my self care, the more the feelings of not measuring up lessen. Personally I turn to my yoga practice during those times when I prioritize my self care. I simply care less about where I stand in comparison.

Make TimeBy committing to take my needs seriously I am able nourish my soul in a way that also helps me learn how to support others around me. Finding the courage to help myself also helps me show up to my life with more compassion and empathy. When I have more compassion and empathy, I can better support my family and friends in meeting their needs because I am full rather than depleted. Taking your individual needs seriously is a practice that takes commitment as its always ongoing; life often throws curve balls in the way, and old negative patterns come up regularly. Despite the obstacles, it is a path I am committed to for myself and so that my family knows they too are enough. “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ― Brené Brown

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Emma Van RiperEmma Van Riper is a certified yoga teacher with a passion for a more peaceful life. She loves living a healthy active life style while navigating the waters of a busy family life.  Creating a more centered and joyful life to bring to her family and the world. Follow her blog here!

Community Publishing brings local artists of all mediums together in creative collaborations for distribution as Multimedia Books while promoting literacy in our CP Logo Finalcommunities. We are proud to be a community partner and digital marketer at the Rail Yards Market and the Monte Vista Fire Station. Need help with your web presence and social media marketing? Click here to find out how we can help you!

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The Lost and Found: Owning Your Delusions

Published by communitypublishingabq@gmail.com on January 7, 2016 Respond

Owning Your Delusions by Chessa Peak

I’ve been my own worst enemy. I’ve allowed my anger and resentment to poison my spirit and The Lost and Found: Own Your Delusionsrelationships. I’ve allowed myself to stay in situations that were not beneficial to my upward growth. I’ve allowed myself to perpetuate the victim mentality in my mind. I’ve knowingly enabled bad behavior in myself and others which kept us both in stasis. I’ve based logical conclusions on emotional fallacies. I’ve been blaming and accusatory. I know the hell I’ve been through is not entirely self-inflicted but in taking responsibility for my ill actions and seeing my part in my afflictive nature I am able to learn my lessons.

In the past I’ve forced myself to say I was over this or that. Truth is I just looked past it and kept truckin, never learning from my mistakes, always repeating them, and finding any way to justify my lack of whatever I perceived to be important(real or imagined). Finding any band aid that would cover up my wounds. All of these self-defeating patterns can be changed. Habit is conditioning and environment. If you are committed to living a better life you must be committed to changing yourself. Change is slow and gradual unless you have three things: enthusiasm, a sense of urgency, and a The Lost and Found: Own Your Delusionsufficient motivatior.

Look at where you are lacking in your life. What needs dusting off? What are you neglecting in yourself and your life? What are you focusing on in excess? What can you do to make yourself a better person? Perhaps you make too many excuses? Make a list of your short comings. Train yourself to recognize when you are doing them. Force yourself to slow down and pay attention to what you are feeling. Write it down and re-read your own words. I’m not saying I’m there. I still have a long way to go but I have a genuine want to change. It can be done. Teach yourself a better way. These are some of the promises I have made to myself:

  1. I will never put myself or another person through emotional turmoil.
  2. I will know when to graciously cut my losses to preserve my inner peace
  3. I will keep with kind, considerate and compassionate people
  4. I will not allow the bad behavior of others to destroy my inner peace
  5. I will try always to respond with love and positivity, if I can’t I must walk away and return with a calm attitude or know when to walk away for good.
  6. I will know how much of myself to give to others.
  7. I will respond to inner anger and frustration with tolerance and patience
  8. I will keep my negative emotional reactions to myself, this nature causes an unnecessary drain on those who love me.
  9. I will not expect that others will reciprocate my good nature
  10. I will maintain my integrity, ethics, grace and soul. I do this by listening to my instincts and not going against them or else all falls apart.  
  11. I must avoid contact with what I desire until my mind is tamed. I have no self-control.
  12. I will stay dedicated to being the woman others see me as
  13. I will keep a healthy distance from those whose nature is contradictory to mine.
  14. I will slowly place people in my life. I will learn about their nature before I let them in.
  15. If the people I love are not interested in growing with me I will not attack them for it, I will separate myself instead.
  16. I will not force a connection or closeness on another soul again, I have to save that energy for my upward growth
  17. I will never again keep in my life those who hold no honor for them self or me.
  18. I will base my decisions on my needs rather than my wants.
  19. I will always try to wear a smile on my face and consciously try to emit kindness
  20. I will keep with souls of similar frequency that nourish my spirit and distance myself from overly confused, blaming and averting souls. I naturally expel too much energy on saving the lost. This feelings should be meet with compassion and empathy only, then distance. Nothing more

If I don’t learn to stick to my guns on these things I will not make it and I want to die with that peace in my soul. This is my own personal list. I challenge you to define for yourself what you wish to become for yourself. I wish you strength and perseverance. Namaste

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Self Deception and self Actualization Chessa Peak has been in New Mexico since the age of 4 and is an honorary New Mexican. A bartender of over 10 years in the Duke City, musician, entrepreneur, and current student at CNM, Chessa is now currently working towards her own non-profit group that will support literacy, art and music programs for Albuquerque residents and her immediate community. Having come through a negative past, her writings deeply reflect the nature of her personal struggles in an attempt to help others overcome their personal battles.

We are proud to be a community partner and digital marketer at the Rail Yards Market and theMonte Vista Fire Station. Need help with your web presence and social media marketing? Click here to find out how we can help you!

Community Publishing: From the Community For the Community

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The Lost and Found: Self-Deception & the Need for Self-Actualization 3

Published by communitypublishingabq@gmail.com on July 14, 2015 Respond

Self-Deception & the Need for Self-Actualization by Chessa Peak

Part 3 of a 3 part series. Read part 1 here and part 2 here. 

As humans we make a variety of excuses to justify the bad behaviors that keep us in stasis. It is easier to remain in familiar life cycle than to face the unknown. This could possibly explain why a battered women will stay in an abusive relationships. The need to hold ourselves accountable couldn’t be of more importance in society and the individual today.

The mind and our emotions have the power to consume us in repetitive thoughts and feelings. One minute our emotional mind could be fixed in a state of longing and the next minute you could be thinking about making a sandwich. It is the mind’s disposition to be flighty and chaotic. It is important then to understand that we must hold ourselves accountable to training our minds and safe guarding our inner peace.

Intelligently Emotional

Self Deception and Self Actualization by Chessa PeakEmotional intelligence is, “Knowing ones emotions, managing emotions, motivating oneself, recognizing emotions in others, & handling relationships.” (Goleman p.43). People who understand their emotions as they arise can make better decisions for their lives. Through conscious acknowledge of our emotions we are capable of transcending beyond their sometimes debilitating grasp. An example of this may be the Buddhist teaching of quieting the mind through meditation, acknowledging the emotion when you see it arise and allowing it to graciously fall away in order to be fully present in this exact moment.

Managing emotions is the ability to embrace resilience and move beyond debilitating emotional strife. One could relate managing emotions as having to focus diligently on your trade while experiencing emotional distress at home. Motivation comes from the ability to maintain self-discipline and not act immediately on wants. By removing emotional reactivity one could better focus on what motivates positive change. What a person wants may not always be what is in their best interests. The ability to recognize emotions in others is self-awareness through empathy. Through empathy we are capable of experiencing life simultaneously with those we wish to strengthen connections with. The term metacognition means “to refer to an awareness of thought process” (Goleman).

Through metacognition, self-discipline and personal accountability it is possible to correct negative thoughts and behaviors. Through patience, temperance and empathy is it possible to correct our emotionally reactive natures and embrace emotional intelligence. Change is possible and it is theorized that it takes “32 days to change a habit” (OnCourse p.147) if the individual is willing to hold themselves accountable and has a sincere desire for change. The stronger one has a desire to change, the more motivated they will be to holding themselves accountable.

Views from Within

Despite how we may see ourselves, we are all very delicate creatures. The resources to pull ourselves out of dysfunctional living are all around us. With great discoveries in neuroscience, behavioral science, & technology being revealed more and more every day, we as a civilization have more information and tools available at our disposal than ever before in history. Through kindred spirits we have the gift of companionship and communication in order to grow together.

Without acknowledging the need to become self-aware and self-actualizing, we will remain disconnected from ourselves and left seeking happiness outside of ourselves. Awakening to how we destroy ourselves can be a very painful experience but one of the most beneficial and expansive experiences of our lives. This process should be addressed within the individual and should be viewed through the internal eyes of compassion and empathy for one’s self. Acting out of self-love Self-Deception and Self-Actualization by Chessa Peakwould involve asking yourself in every decision you make, “What would a person who loves themselves do?” (Scott).

To be completely honest with ourselves takes tremendous courage as it may require a person to change everything about how they live to attain true and lasting happiness. Self-deceit can be overcome through self-actualization. Happiness is possible, it’s all a matter of how important it is to the individual.

References for the Lost and Found articles can be found here.
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Self Deception and self Actualization Chessa Peak has been in New Mexico since the age of 4 and is an honorary New Mexican. A bartender of over 10 years in the Duke City, musician, entreprenuer, and current student at CNM, Chessa is now currently working towards her own non-profit group that will support literacy, art and music programs for Albuquerque residents and her immediate community. Having come through a negative past, her writings deeply reflect the nature of her personal struggles in an attempt to help others overcome their personal battles.

Community Publishing brings local artists of all mediums together in creative collaborations for distribution as multimedia books while promoting literacy in our communities. #JoinOurCommunity at http://communitypublishing.org We are proud to be Marketers for the Rail Yards Market.

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The Lost and Found: Self-Deception & the Need for Self-Actualization 2

Published by communitypublishingabq@gmail.com on July 7, 2015 Respond

Self-Deception & the Need for Self-Actualization by Chessa Peak

Part 2 of a 3 part series, read part 1 here

self-deception and selfThrough conditioning and habit, people learn from each other what is acceptable behavior and what is not. When involved in a humorous story, the parties involved will laugh together. Similarly, when involved with dysfunctional thinking the tendency is to be dysfunctional. The environments people place themselves in dictate their behavior. How we behave in relation to others can also be seen in examples of groupthink psychology.

The idea that like attracts like is also the basis for the concept of the law of attraction. The connections we seek out, whether in groups or individuals, are validations of ourselves offered through the reflection of ourselves in others. When we seek this validation of self externally, it is possible to become a person who seeks their happiness in those around them and not from within. This is especially true for people with low self-esteem or low self-worth. Because they are not happy with themselves, they look for their happiness in others. Through repetition, destructive behaviors become habit.

self-deception and self-actualizationApathy, unwillingness, and excuse making exist due to a lack of sufficient motivation. One then needs to define what motivation means to the individual. Perhaps there is a disconnect in intimacy between two people because one is not properly motivating the other in a loving manner. Like a child not getting what they want, it throws a tantrum. When our wants are not meet we behave in ways that normally we would never act. Grasping for attention, becoming resentful when we don’t get what we want. Which in turn will cause a partner to withdraw their affection. Which in turn causes the other to become more resentful.

Adversely, it is just as common to force an interaction the does not exist or to read more into a situation based on our emotional wants dictating our needs for love, loneliness, communication, affection, and reciprocation such as in the situation above between two lovers. One partner may make a reasonable request that is never met. The person making the request will then try other ways of convincing the partner that they should meet this request. If sufficient motivation is not there for the need to be meet then it will be ignored. This could be because the other person genuinely is not concerned with the need to satisfy any other needs than their own. Once this conclusion is determined the question then should be asked, “Is this situation really good for you?”.

Once locked in the cycle of negative thoughts, we become consumed with doubt, fear, aggression, and aversive tendencies when dealing with the reality of our lives. So what then are some things that contribute to this kind of negative psychological conditioning? In American society, there is no emphasis to understand that negative occurrences are a part of life. On the contrary, we are taught to “let the good times roll” and that not feeling good is bad. This understanding that good feelings should not end has caused a need to be excessive in what feels good.

Excessive Positivity

We immerse ourselves in what feels good even if it is bad for us such as with alcoholism or drug addiction. Physiological conditioning as a result of how we were raised also influences the decisions we make as adults. Subconsciously we are drawn towards people who mirror what we are comfortable or familiar with. Patients who suffer from physiological disorders such as chronic pain, may experience severe mood swings as a result of their condition as well.

References for the Lost and Found articles can be found here.
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Self Deception and self Actualization Chessa Peak has been in New Mexico since the age of 4 and is an honorary New Mexican. A bartender of over 10 years in the Duke City, musician, entreprenuer, and current student at CNM, Chessa is now currently working towards her own non-profit group that will support literacy, art and music programs for Albuquerque residents and her immediate community. Having come through a negative past, her writings deeply reflect the nature of her personal struggles in an attempt to help others overcome their personal battles.

Community Publishing brings local artists of all mediums together in creative collaborations for distribution as multimedia books while promoting literacy in our communities. #JoinOurCommunity at http://communitypublishing.org We are proud to be Marketers for the Rail Yards Market.

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Guest Poet: Afrodite

Published by communitypublishingabq@gmail.com on March 26, 2015 Respond

By hakim bellamy

Just beyond the shoreline
of cheek lies a body
of water.
Nothing against the brackish blue
of beach and baywatch.
Nothing against the shallow
and swallow of water,
clear as spit.
But you are different.
Your eyes, dark.
Your oceans, deep
like the person pooling inside you. Black
as a body at the bottom
of the Atlantic.
And when you lie on your back
balancing my nose atop yours,
our lips pointing at each other
like a reflection,
I can make out ancestors
desperately trying to stay afloat
in the abyss of your gaze.
They are still
as beautiful as the mutiny
that landed them overboard.
As beautiful as the flesh
colored torpedo
that sometimes sunk
the shipping and handling
of chattel, in half.
As beautiful as
the pair of wings you ingested
and blossomed into gills.
The flood in your voice.
The oceanspray still on your breath
The saltbeds just beneath the shoreline
of your cheek.
Your beauty does not evaporate,
it never drowns.
So much so,
those jealous of your beauty
try to bottle it.
So Precious
they will sell you by the ounce.
Swap pedestals for auction blocks
to remind you the consequences
of your audacity.
How dare you
rival the flawless fascade
of Adonis?
Survival is beautiful.
Just like you.
The spoils of natural selection
and its amazing that you still
have your figure,
that black still don’t crack
after all these years of trying to
eliminate the object
of their aphrodisia.
And people would have you
consider yourself fortunate that
genocide hasn’t left a mark.
Your beauty has become that
of myth and make-up.
Their firehose fetish tried
and failed to segregate beauty
from your Brownstone face.
Different
is what makes beautiful,
beautiful.
At least noteworthy.
Unlike anything else
and you
are different.

(c) Hakim Bellamy February 12th, 2015
*a self-love poem for Black History Month, about a Black person.

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Hakim Bellamy

Hakim Bellamy

Hakim Bellamy is Albuquerque’s Inaugural Poet Laureate, and counts, educator, musician and community organizer among his many ventures. Hakim’s multimedia Children’s book, Samuel’s Story is scheduled for release by Community Publishing in the Spring, 2015. Image courtesy of Joy Godfrey
Community Publishing brings local artists of all mediums together in creative collaborations for distribution as multimedia eBooks while promoting literacy in our communities.

We are proud to be a community partner and digital marketer at the Rail Yards Market.#JoinOurCommunity at http://communitypublishing.org

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